Domestic Violence Update: Let’s Celebrate!
Domestic Violence and Celebration? Yes! Even when you’re talking about a topic as heavy and urgent as domestic violence, we need to find reasons to celebrate. Recently, while I was doing some informal outreach with the local police departments, I learned that domestic violence is still one of the most frequent calls they receive. Yet, in responding to such calls, police officer’s often feel as if their hands are tied. If a woman doesn’t want to press charges, there is little the police can do, other than a possible booking and release. And women face a long, complicated list of barriers when taking legal action against an abuser, much less leaving a violent relationship. Beyond the basics of love and psychology come a myriad of practical concerns: What will happen with her children? Will he respond violently? If so, in a town this size, where can she hide? What about finances? Insurance? Housing? Will everyone in town find out? What will the member’s of her church say? Will people still send their children over on play dates? All of these factors can be daunting to a woman seeking a way out of a bad relationship.
The mind of a woman facing domestic violence is rarely an easy place to be.
As you can see, in this line of work, it often feels like we’re spinning our wheels. Yet while I was conversing with local law enforcement about the barriers faced by victims of domestic violence, I realized we do have cause for celebration: They got it! And I assure you, this has not always been the case. Six years ago, I was working at a shelter for women in a progressive, urban setting. During a staff briefing I was informed by my director that one of our clients had called the police to report a rape at the hands of her husband. The policeman who took the phone call had guffawed in disbelief, “No such thing,” he’d said: “He’s your husband, he can’t rape you!” At this same center – a secret safe house – we had to use an untraceable line to call the police. This was necessitated by a scary incident that ended with an abuser wielding a gun at our doorstep and started with a phone call made by a woman staying at our shelter to the police to report an incident of domestic violence. The police officer taking the call turned out to be a friend of the abuser. He traced our phone number to our secret safe house address and informed the abuser of where his wife was “hiding.” These police officers did not “get it”.
Here in the Methow Valley we are fortunate to have law enforcement officers who not only know the laws (it is a crime to rape your wife), but have moved beyond the traditional ideologies of law enforcement – the victim blaming, or minimizing, or “sanctity of the home” approaches – to ask how we can better serve our local women and children living in homes with violence. We have law enforcement who are willing not only to ask these critical questions, but also to learn more. We’re excited to continue growing our relationship with local law enforcement, including increased communication, ongoing trainings and further collaboration.
It is important to remember to take a moment to celebrate this progress. Join us in celebration this fall at Room One’s annual Soup & Celebration fundraiser October 9th at the Winthrop Barn. I also invite you to continue to keep in mind your neighbors and friends who are victims of domestic violence. Though we celebrate our small successes, we still have a long road to ensuring everyone’s safety. As Martin Luther King Jr told us: “An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” We are all less safe when we allow violence against women, children and the elderly in our communities.
